We grow up believing healing is supposed to look a certain way.
You get hurt.
You grieve.
You learn a lesson.
You move on.
Nice. Clean. Wrapped up with a bow.
But real healing doesn’t work like that. Real healing is messy, unpredictable, and often deeply confusing. One day you feel strong and clear-headed, convinced you’re finally okay. The next day, a song, a smell, or a random thought pulls you right back into a version of yourself you thought you’d outgrown.
And that doesn’t mean you failed.
It means you’re human.
The Myth of “Moving On”
One of the biggest lies we’re told is that letting go means forgetting. That healing means never thinking about them again. That progress looks like emotional detachment and indifference.
In reality, letting go rarely means erasing someone from your heart. It means learning how to carry the memory without letting it control you.
You don’t wake up one day magically healed. You wake up one day realizing the pain doesn’t own you the way it used to. And even then, it might still show up — just quieter.
Healing Comes in Waves, Not Straight Lines
Healing isn’t a staircase you climb. It’s an ocean.
Some days the water is calm. You breathe easily. You remember without pain. You laugh, plan, dream again. You think, I’m okay.
Other days, the waves hit out of nowhere. You’re pulled under by emotion you didn’t invite. You miss them. You miss who you were with them. You miss the version of the future you imagined together.
Both days count as healing.
Progress doesn’t disappear just because you had a bad moment. A setback isn’t a reset. It’s part of the process.
Triggers Don’t Mean You’re Weak
Triggers are often misunderstood. People assume that if something still hurts, it means you haven’t healed enough.
That’s not true.
Triggers happen because your brain remembers connection. Familiar patterns. Emotional safety. Love — even when it ended painfully. A place, a phrase, a memory can activate feelings before logic has time to step in.
Feeling triggered doesn’t mean you want to go back.
It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.
It means something mattered.
And things that mattered don’t vanish quietly.
Missing Someone Doesn’t Mean You Should Return
You can miss someone deeply and still know they’re not meant to be in your life anymore.
This is one of the hardest truths to accept.
Missing someone doesn’t mean they were right for you. It means they were significant. It means they occupied space in your world, your routines, your sense of comfort. Letting go of that space hurts — even when leaving was necessary.
You’re allowed to honor what was without reopening what broke you.
The Guilt of Healing
Another thing no one talks about is the guilt that sometimes comes with healing.
You start to feel better, and suddenly you feel bad for feeling better. Like moving forward somehow betrays the love you had or the pain you survived. You catch yourself smiling and think, Should I be over this already?
Healing doesn’t disrespect the past. It honors it by choosing life instead of staying stuck.
You don’t owe your pain permanence.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing looks like crying less often — not never.
It looks like thinking of them without spiraling.
It looks like choosing yourself even when it hurts.
It looks like setting boundaries and missing them anyway.
It looks like patience with your own heart.
Sometimes healing looks boring. Sometimes it looks lonely. Sometimes it looks like staying in on a Friday night because your nervous system needs rest more than distraction.
And sometimes, healing looks like falling apart again — just with more awareness than last time.
Gentle Habits That Help on the Hard Days
You don’t need to fix everything at once. Healing responds better to gentleness than force.
- Limit exposure to triggers when possible, especially social media
- Write it out — the things you can’t say to them anymore
- Create grounding routines (morning coffee, evening walks, music that soothes instead of stings)
- Talk to someone safe who won’t rush your timeline
- Forgive yourself for the days you struggle more than you expected
Healing isn’t about being strong all the time. It’s about being honest with where you are.
You’re Not Behind
If you’re reading this and thinking, I should be further along by now, let this be your reminder:
There is no deadline on healing.
There is no correct pace.
There is no comparison that applies to your heart.
You are not weak for feeling.
You are not broken for remembering.
You are not failing because some days are harder than others.
You are healing — even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Final Thought
Letting go doesn’t mean the love disappears. It means the love changes shape.
One day, the pain softens. The memories lose their sharp edges. You realize you’re carrying the experience, not being carried by it. And when that day comes — slowly, quietly — you won’t even notice it at first.
You’ll just feel lighter.
And that will be enough.
TheSpiritualExplorer 