When someone hurts us, the first reaction most of us have is anger. We want to protect ourselves, set boundaries, and sometimes even lash back. It feels natural to see their actions as an attack and to think punishment or distance is the solution. But there’s a deeper truth that isn’t often spoken about: when another person causes suffering, it’s because they are suffering deeply within themselves.
The Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote, “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help.” These words shift everything.
Seeing the Root of Suffering
Hurtful behavior rarely comes from a place of peace. A person at ease with themselves doesn’t lash out, manipulate, or harm. Their actions, even if sharp or careless, usually reveal something beneath the surface: unhealed wounds, unresolved pain, or inner battles they don’t yet know how to handle. When we begin to see their actions as symptoms of their suffering, we open the door to compassion instead of resentment.
Why Punishment Isn’t the Answer
It’s tempting to punish someone for their actions—whether that means cutting them off without a word, firing back with the same energy, or holding a grudge. But punishment rarely heals. It often adds another layer of pain to someone who is already drowning in it. Compassion doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior or ignoring boundaries—it means seeing beyond the behavior and recognizing the brokenness behind it.
Responding With Compassion Without Losing Yourself
Choosing compassion doesn’t mean you accept abuse or stay in harmful situations. It means you protect your peace while refusing to contribute more suffering into the cycle.
- Set firm boundaries while keeping your heart soft.
- Respond with calmness instead of reaction.
- Remember that empathy doesn’t equal permission—it simply keeps you from becoming hardened.
Choosing Healing Over Reaction
Every time we choose compassion over punishment, we disrupt the cycle of suffering. We heal a little bit of ourselves, and maybe—just maybe—we offer a glimpse of healing to the other person. Compassion doesn’t excuse harmful actions, but it does transform how we experience them.
The next time someone makes you suffer, pause. Ask yourself: What pain might they be carrying? That shift alone can help you let go of anger, guard your peace, and choose a response rooted in wisdom instead of reaction.
TheSpiritualExplorer 