TheSpiritualExplorer

Why lasting relationships thrive on playfulness, not just growing old together

When we think about love and lifelong partnerships, the common narrative is that we find someone to grow old with — to build a life, weather storms, and age gracefully side by side. But what if the secret to lasting love isn’t just about growing old, but about staying young together?

Charles Bukowski said it best: “The problem is, we look for someone to grow old together, while the secret is to find someone to stay a child with.” This isn’t about childishness or irresponsibility — it’s about keeping the spark of play alive in your relationship.

Why Growing Old Too Fast Can Hurt Relationships

Life tends to make us serious. Work, bills, responsibilities — they pile up, and suddenly the playful laughter that once filled a relationship fades away. When couples focus only on practical matters or future worries, the relationship risks becoming more like a routine than an adventure.

The danger is that partners start to see each other as roles: the provider, the caretaker, the problem solver — rather than as joyful companions who still delight in the little things. This shift can slowly chip away at intimacy and connection.

The Power of the Childlike Spirit

So what does it mean to “stay a child” with someone? It means holding onto qualities like curiosity, wonder, and spontaneity. It means being willing to laugh at yourself, make silly jokes, and find joy in simple moments together.

Playfulness nurtures emotional vitality. It breaks down walls, encourages openness, and reminds us that love is as much about fun as it is about commitment. Couples who share a playful bond often feel more connected, even through difficult times.

How to Keep the Spark Playful

You don’t need grand gestures to keep the childlike spirit alive. Here are a few simple ways to invite play into your relationship:

• Laugh Together: Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, or reminisce about silly memories.
• Be Spontaneous: Surprise your partner with an unexpected date or a playful challenge.
• Create Rituals: Make up games, silly nicknames, or inside jokes that only you two share.
• Stay Curious: Ask questions, explore new hobbies, or learn something new together.

Playfulness Is Emotional Vitality, Not Immaturity

It’s important to clarify — staying playful doesn’t mean avoiding responsibilities or being immature. It means balancing seriousness with joy, and understanding that playfulness is a strength that keeps your relationship resilient and fresh.

In the end, love isn’t just about how many years you spend together — it’s about how much joy you create in those years. Finding someone to stay a child with means choosing a partner who shares your sense of wonder and delight, who can be both your teammate and your favorite playmate.

So the next time you think about love, remember Bukowski’s words — the real secret isn’t in just growing old. It’s in staying young, together.