I used to think healing meant escaping pain. That one day, if I worked hard enough, meditated enough, journaled enough, I’d reach a point where nothing hurt anymore. But pain isn’t something you outrun — it’s something you walk through, sometimes slowly, sometimes with tears in your eyes, but always with something deeper waiting on the other side: understanding.
“The cure for the pain is in the pain.” – Rumi
The truth is, pain was my teacher long before I ever learned to listen to it.
What Pain Tried to Teach Me
At first, I resisted. Like most people, I tried to stay “strong,” pushing through heartache, disappointment, confusion — pretending I had it handled. I thought ignoring it would make it disappear. It didn’t.
The more I avoided the pain, the louder it got. Not just emotionally, but physically. Sleepless nights, anxiety in my chest, overthinking every moment. My body was trying to get my attention, but I wasn’t ready to understand what it was saying.
Surrendering to the Hurt
Then something shifted. I got tired of pretending. I sat with the discomfort — not to wallow in it, but to feel it. I stopped asking “Why me?” and started asking “What is this here to show me?”
That moment of surrender was the beginning of everything. Not relief, not joy — but clarity. In the stillness, I realized I wasn’t broken. I was just buried beneath unprocessed emotions, unresolved stories, and unmet needs. The pain wasn’t trying to destroy me; it was asking me to come home to myself.
Journaling helped. Silence helped. Being honest helped. It wasn’t pretty. But it was real.
Understanding as a Turning Point
There’s something powerful that happens when you stop fighting what you feel. Understanding becomes a kind of light — not one that blinds you, but one that slowly brightens the path. Through the pain, I saw where I had abandoned myself to please others. I saw where I clung to people out of fear, not love. I saw how I carried beliefs that never really belonged to me.
And once I saw it, I could choose differently.
That’s what understanding does — it gives you the power to move, not from a place of reaction, but from a place of intention. That’s where the healing really began.
Closing Thoughts
I don’t thank the pain. But I honor it. I honor what it revealed, what it unraveled, and who I’ve become because of it. I’m softer now, but stronger. Not because the pain went away, but because I finally listened to what it had to say.
If you’re in the middle of something heavy, I want you to know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to rush. Let the pain speak. Let the silence answer. Somewhere in that space, understanding will find you.
And when it does, it’ll move you forward — not back to who you were, but into who you were always becoming.

One response to “The Pain Was the Portal: How Suffering Led Me to Self-Understanding”
Thank you for this post.
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